3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
