Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
why is half of my head shaved?
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