New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
