omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
