I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I am available for nakedness
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
