does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
