I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
