I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
