That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
