I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
