make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
