I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
