Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
