I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
