What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
