I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
