i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize