Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
