I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
