I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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