i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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