Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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