I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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