the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
