It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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