you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
