I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
