You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
