Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
