i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
