I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
