My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
