Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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