i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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