i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't put those talents on a resume
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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