i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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