On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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