I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
