paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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