My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Actions speak louder than pants.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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