I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
