No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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