I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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