I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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