i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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