Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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