I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
