the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
