So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
