the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
