conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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