i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We need to get me chipped asap
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
