i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
