And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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