I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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