do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
