did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
