Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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