I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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