we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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