Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
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The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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