That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
