its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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