2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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