Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
