I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
