she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
