i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
