Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
